The Pathway To __ AM This Morning.
This morning I woke up from a very vivid dream about me being a what I would call a gym full of people. (Me looking back on it now I would say I am torn in the middle of calling it a gym vs. a arena. Only because it had ceilings as high as a arena but it was only one side with people to look at.) In the dream I went up to the top floor to see some people I knew. In the beginning of the dream I was wearing a red cotton made jacket that had nothing on it. I spoke to some of the people I knew, (which I won't name out of respect for their privacy) then saw a box of Dunkin' Donuts on the floor. I ask around if I could have one and someone (that I cant remember who) told me yes. Before I left to go back downstairs someone stopped me and told me to take my jacket off. I took it off and they decided to point out that someone had drew a white line across it. For some reason the person put the jacket on and I ended up on my way back downstairs. When I got downstairs I looked up and saw people in the stands just looking, and walking around in the same way it would be during half-time. Then I remembered that I left my jacket with the person upstairs. I got on the elevator then woke up.
*Skips through a few hours of eating random things in my house.*
*Ends up on youtube*
The next following videos were what i would say the man above led me to watch.
The video above was something I saw when it aired on tv. Me being a black male in Tallahassee, FL, I have seen acts of racism, acts of love, acts of uncalled for hate, from a handful of races. From Black to Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, Indian, and Native American. Each example from each race. Love and Hate.
(Before I continue, I must admit I have in each way whether directly or indirectly, acted that way towards another race. Whether it's in thoughts, intuition, or in a joking manner, I have been both positive and negative towards other races.)
Being involved with a large number of people I have seen white people who love black people, I have had people in my family marry white people. I have be victim to being prejudged for the color of my skin. I also have been treated with respect from other races. I have friends & family who openly do not like white people. Which I honestly feel desensitized from feeling bad when they speak negatively because of me hearing it all my life. It's like the feeling of (thats just how they think). Which I am never going to say is correct. I also believe that the problem stems from disconnect with respect, honesty, and communication. My opinion comes from me going through many things in my life with me noticing on a large scale that most people do not care about how others feel. What I would call the (in the corner syndrome). Not saying everyone, but most people I have encountered when the sense of being threaten, they automatically go in to defense mode aka back themselves in a corner. Which is a human thing to do. Me newly understanding my flaws, feeling like I know how someone feels and thinks, I have prejudged people based on how I think they would feel. (Which I am slightly still unsure when I should use my awareness on my opinion with people.) 24 years of my life I did a large amount of things without asking questions. Which I have learned through having more conversations this past year that many people do it on a regular basis without thinking about it. Which is my first solution to solving the problems we face on earth is that we should find out how and why people feel the way they do without judging. I feel like the people in mass power know the answers and do their best to control the outcome. Which I believe we have to take more control of it ourselves, educate ourselves, and share with others. With that R word "Respect".
(Do your best to keep the word respect in mind as I continue.)
Being lied to is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt on earth since I was born. Time and time again in my life when faced with it I have reacted with anger because I felt like there is never a good reason to lie. Me growing as a person I have learn to appreciate the truth as to be more valuable than money at times. Over the last year I have noticed when in public people (Caucasian people) speak to me when the look on their face told me they do not really want to speak to me. Leaving me to think the only reason why they spoke was because of their job required them to do so, or because they do not want to get looked at as being racist. When honestly I would respect a person more if they just did not speak to me verse being dishonest about their initial thoughts of me in their presence. Realizing my flaws I feel like I dropped the ball on asking if they truly felt the way I "thought" they felt when i entered the room. (Hopeful I will get a honest answer. And when I do I will let it be known what it was.)
Which I speak from my honest opinion is that most people are scared to ask how others feel because of the risk of backlash. Which can be a barrier to and for communication to make a connection. Communication of my 25 years of being alive I have seen it being both slow and instant. I remember in the 90's dealing with Dialup Connection, going from Cassette Tapes and VHS, to CD Players that stopped every time they were bumped and Dvd's. Having more than one line on a house phone was the luxury inside of a household. When cell phones did not exist in a household, let alone "kids" having cell phones. When calling "Long Distance" calls did not happen unless you used a Calling Card. When each text message was no less than .50 cents to make. (if it didn't cost even more.) "The Land Of Patience". When people were special because they knew a skill that took time to learn which included them having to find the person who knew the knowledge. When you had to go to the library to read and gain knowledge outside school. Everything in existence took time. Which is why I believe that everything being so fast has trained us to believe that everything must happen at a fast rate and if not then it is a failure. I honestly believe that things have progress a great amount to the point that get goes unnoticed. I believe racism hasn't improved or failed. I believe it's on the fence and its going in a positive direction. It's going to take love to bring it together. Which I believe its why I am so torn about the Charleston shooting that took place in a church. It was truly a act of hate. It makes me sad every time I think about it because it was violence from a vulnerable place. A place with no security to defend the innocent. We can all speak on what we would have did but with love I believe the people in that church did everything right. Something I don't think we will ever have a answer for. Which sends me to list another video I watched to find out answers.
After watching I was given a different perspective on Caucasian people. Which I still believe has flaws because nothing on this earth is perfect but it was nice to see people opening up to express their thoughts. I appreciated the vulnerability that the people on the show let themselves be. Most people run away from being vulnerable because most people take it as a sign of weakness but I see it as a sign of strength. Which led me to look for inspiration to find something artistic to watch.
After watching Kendrick Lamar express his feelings I felt like I could relate to his feelings. Gone through a transformation of things I find right and wrong to do, I have stopped drinking and smoking. My only opinion of each is that they are not beneficial for me to use because they hinder my personality, and thoughts. Based on my experiences with marijuana I feel like it has benefits for people who have true illnesses, but should not be in the hands of everybody because it can become addicting. Not saying that people can not quit when they choose but it can be such a good feeling that people think that they are not addicted to it. Which related to the second video when he spoke on his imagination ("How Much A Dollar Cost") speaking to the homeless and saying to his self " what if that is the moment a mortal form of a angel testing your integrity to actual stop, not to just give them money but to actually talk to them.". Which spoke volumes to me because I have caught myself saying I would never give a homeless person money. I have took the time out numerous times to give food to the homeless. But never stopped to fully pick their brain which I plan to go out and do. I believe you can learn from everything in life and every experience down to the second. Good and bad. Strength comes from struggle and with hearing other's experience you can learn not only what to do but what not to do as well. The interview as a whole just made me appreciate the level of art and amount of openness that Kendrick displayed with his thoughts. It shows a large amount of character to be able to showcase your sensitivity which I find tends to be ridiculed 2015. Recently I have been moved to support not only my favorite artists but people I admire and respect which placed me to watch the next few videos which I will post as a separate post because I want them to stand on their own. With experiences of working with major label artist I have been exposed to see that they are very human just like me and you. Some live with ego and some do not. The artist who I am going to list is a artist that is talented at shooting videos and photography as well. There have been times I was envious of his work because I saw greatness in it. I saw things I would love be able to do that he does effortlessly. I see him as another version of a Kendrick Lamar because he is able to capture the emotion in his art. Something I love to see in the world of art. I respect Keldrin Kwame for always inviting me to be apart of his endeavors. He has release what I would only describe as Real Life meets Trapped In The Closet meets Keldrin Kwame with the title "Forgive Me". Subscribe to his Youtube channel here: Youtube
Be on the look out for his second chapter to "Forgive Me" releasing tonight at 8pm.
Keldrin's website is www.keldrinkwame.tv
Now if you have made it to this point I must tell you thank you for giving me a chance to express myself to you. I hope that you understand that nothing I have had said comes from a bad or negative place. This is just my thoughts at the moment on things that matter to me. I was taught to love everyone and I believe it is possible. Not saying we all must agree but should be able to respectfully have our differences. No one is perfect. Listen before you speak. Always ask questions.
“Think Big”
-Steve Byrum
My song of the day is one song that I believe can start everyday of the year off right.
"Wake Up Saxaphone" Big K.R.I.T.
Remember that, "Everything happens for a reason."